First things first

"First things first": this slogan has many meanings and applications. I'll just talk about one; whatever may come up on any given day, be it good, bad, or indifferent, applying this recovery tool means: "I still can't drink or drug."

I Didn't Do That, Yet

"Yet": this word is a crucial one to bear in mind as a person recovering from addiction. Often, an individual new to recovery and Twelve Step meetings will tend to have an internal reaction to the sharing of drinking and drugging experiences by others at meetings, namely, to say "I didn't do that." For example, you may have that internal response to someone sharing about having been convicted of a DUI, having lost a relationship, or having lost a job. The point to keep in mind is that you have not had that experience "YET." If you were to keep on using, you could very well have the experience you are reacting to; so, adding the word "yet" may help you to identify in, not out.

Act and Turn the Result Over

"Plan the action, not the result." This recovery tool has a number of meanings. One is practical: Instead of worrying endlessly about whether a proposed action will be successful, develop a plan, do the footwork, and act. Spiritually, this slogan means that you should try to leave the result to God, a Higher Power, or other source of spiritual strength. Over time, one's experience with this recovery tool will provide a basis for faith in the process of doing the footwork and turning the result over.

No pain, No gain
"No pain, No gain." This common saying can be annoying when one is in the middle of a painful experience, but is, like all of these recovery tools, so very true. One can either rant, rave, and rail against emotional pain, or strive to accept it, live through it without picking up a drink or a drug, and thereby be able to grow spiritually and emotionally. As is apparent in looking at most of these recovery tools, it is how one reacts to the pain that is inevitable in life that matters. For the recovering person the only way out of pain is through it.

The First Drink or Drug

"It's the first drink or drug that gets you drunk or high (dysfunctional)." This Twelve Step Program truth is the subject of some controversy to the person new to recovery who may argue that it's the 8th or 9th drink or hit (depending upon the drug and one's tolerance) that produces dysfunction, not the first one. The point is, of course, that if you don't take the first drink or drug you can't get drunk or drugged. Also, the first use can start, or increase, the cravings and compulsions to use. So, don't take the first drink or drug.

Use of Drugs or Alcohol Makes Everything Worse

"Nothing is so bad that a drink or drug won't make it worse." This Twelve Step slogan means that for an alcoholic or addict use of a psychoactive substance to relieve the pain of a reality of life, or to avoid or escape it, is not a viable option. The only way to resolve life's problems is to use the tools of recovery and not pick up a drink or a drug. Working through issues can result in spiritual and emotional growth. Use of alcohol or other drugs to handle problems results in more problems, not solutions.

Just Don't Drink

"Don't pick up a drink or a drug even if your butt falls off." This statement reflects the state of mind necessary for an addict or alcoholic to stay clean and sober, namely, to keep in the forefront of his/her mind that regardless of what happens on any given day, be it loss of a job, a relationship, a flat tire, a broken fingernail (sometimes it's the little things that irk the most), don't drink or drug. If an alcoholic or addict can at the end of the day say I have stayed clean and sober, that day is a good one, no matter what else of a negative nature may have occurred. Each day of abstinence provides confidence in one's recovery and an opportunity to learn from the events that have taken place.

This Too Shall Pass

"This too shall pass" is one of the tools of recovery that can help you to keep matters in perspective. The vast majority of issues that plague us are temporary and do pass. It is interesting to try to think about problems that were so consuming a few weeks or months ago, that now are no longer in the forefront of your mind. A basic point of emphasis here is that whatever the current concern, picking up a drink or a drug will not only not resolve the problem, but for an alcoholic or addict will inevitably worsen the situation. Also involved in use of this tool is the fact that no matter what the situation may be that is causing you stress today, the emotional reactions you are having to it can be managed by sharing the issue with trustworthy persons or using a spiritual tool such as the Serenity Prayer.

Keep Coming Back

Let's introduce some of the Twelve Step sayings that you will hear at meetings. These phrases at first glance seem trite and overly simplistic. I can tell you from experience that assiduous use of them can be helpful to recovery, even vital. One phrase was thrown at me in my early recovery seemingly as THE answer for almost every complaint or question I would find the nerve to ask: "Keep coming back." I could not see how this response was supposed to help me when I said I was lonely or angry or whatever. I now consider the advice to "keep coming back" as one of the most profound and spiritual suggestions that can be made to a person new to recovery. It really means: no matter what happens in your life, good, bad, or indifferent, just keep working on your recovery by attending meetings. I now understand that almost every problem can find resolution by not using and continuing to work on recovery by attending Twelve Step meetings, that is, if you happen to be an addict or alcoholic.

How Often Should I Attend AA or NA?

How often should you attend Twelve Step meetings when new to recovery? It is often said that you should do to "90 in 90", meaning go to 90 meetings in 90 days. The way I like to make the point behind this suggestion is to say: Go to a lot of meetings as long as it takes for you to understand why people go to these meetings. The easy way to become involved is to go to as many meetings as possible in early recovery, to learn the language, to get to know people and be known, and to feel the spiritual strength that is present in Twelve Step meetings.

Healing Power of Twelve Step Programs

Here is the basic mission of the Twelve Step Programs from the AA "preamble" read at the start of most meetings: "Alcoholics Anonymous is a Fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism." This simple principle is the spiritual foundation of all the Twelve Step programs, namely, that there is a profound healing effect when one alcoholic or addict shares his/her experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic or addict. When this type of sharing is done in the context of a group of recovering persons, the spiritually based healing is enhanced. The best way to find out for yourself that what I have just said is true is by attending meetings of these groups with an open mind.

Can You Trust the Twelve Step Programs?

It seems today that in the case of most opportunities to help yourself, there is a "catch" or some "small print" to be on guard about. The Twelve Step Programs are the exception. There are no dues or fees for membership; the members genuinely wish to help you without obligation. The "cost" of willingness to join AA or NA or other such self-help group is, however, high, not in money one has to hand out, but in the alcohol or other drug related pain and negative consequences that are behind the individual's decision to seek help.

Requirement for Membership in Twelve Step Programs

The only requirement for membership in Twelve Step programs is a desire to stop doing whatever your drug may be (alcohol or other drugs). This basic principle is important to keep in mind so that you do not compare yourself out of recovery in AA or NA or other such self-help groups. You do not need to have lost everything, been to jail, lived on the streets, etc. All you need for membership is a desire to stop using; this desire will be the result of a host of different negative experiences depending upon the individual. So, what matters is not how you arrived at your decision to seek help, but the fact that you have.

Types of AA or NA Meetings

There are many different types of Twelve Step meetings that can be found in the meeting directories available online: see Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/ and Narcotics Anonymous http://www.na.org/, where you can find meetings in your area of the country. For this entry, I will just mention the two basic types of meetings: Open Meetings, which are meetings for anyone interested in Twelve Step recovery regardless of whether they have a problem or not; and Closed Meetings, which are meetings for persons who have self-diagnosed as alcoholics or addicts. No one stands at the doors to screen people entering to see if they have made such a self-diagnosis; the point is that these closed meetings are intended not just for people exploring interest in recovery but for people who have decided that they do have a problem.

Newcomers to 12 Step Meetings

Because the newcomer to Twelve Step meetings is considered to be the most important person at the meeting, you as a new face may be called on to speak at the meeting. One of the great things about these meetings is that participation is voluntary. So, if you are called on, you can merely say, "I'll pass tonight", or "I'd just like to listen." If you wish you could say your first name, followed by one of the responses just mentioned; or, you could say your first name, and identify your self as an alcoholic or addict, depending upon whether you are at an AA or an NA meeting, and say you'd like to pass or listen. Finally, you could respond with your first name, and that you are an alcoholic or addict and say a little about yourself, such as, "My name is Jan and I'm an alcoholic and I'm new to AA...", followed by a short description about how you know you have a problem and how you decided to get help. The point is that it is up to you when and how much you will share. I will say that by letting people know you are new, you will then have people at the meeting coming up to you after it is over volunteering their telphone numbers and their help. Also, if you can share at the meeting, doing so helps you to feel a part of the group.

Fears about Going to 12 Step Meetings

Let's talk about some common concerns people new to Twelve Step meetings may have. Some worry they will see someone they know at a meeting. Although it may feel awkward, remember three things: the person you know is there for the same reason you are, a drug or alcohol problem; depending on how long the other person has been in recovery, he/she may be just as worried as you are; and, finally, remember that these programs are based on anonymity, a confidentiality tradition that rarely is breached. In all the years that I have attended twelve step meetings, I have never, to my knowledge, suffered any negatives because someone knew that I attended those meetings.

Tips for Those New to 12 Step Programs

Here are more tips for someone attending Twelve Step meetings for the first time: Be a student; soak up information that will help you to stay clean and sober today; learn your new language of recovery. Try to identify in rather than identify out, that is, listen for details and facts shared by other recovering individuals that you CAN identify with. When you hear something that you can't identify with, just set aside the information for possible use later, or, rather than saying "that didn't happen to me", say "that hasn't happened to me, YET."

New to AA or NA?

The best way to prepare yourself for attending your first Twelve Step meeting is to have an open mind, setting aside any negative ideas you may have about these groups. Remember that AA or NA meetings are run by their members who are not professional therapists but individuals from all walks of life who attend meetings to help themselves and others to stay away from alcohol or other drugs. Also know that members of these self-help groups consider newcomers not to be people who have to prove themselves before they are accepted, but as 'the most important people at the meetings." Recovering alcoholics and addicts who have been clean and sober for a period of time truly welcome the opportunity to help persons new to recovery because, as it is often said in AA and NA, "in order to keep my sobriety, I have to give it away" (by helping the new person).

What Are AA and NA?

Let's talk for a while here about the Twelve Step Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. These self-help fellowships are autonomous organizations that are not affiliated with any outside enterprises, including churches or treatment programs. They are based on the profoundly powerful but simple concept that human beings with drug or alcohol addiction are uniquely suited to helping others suffering from the same problem through sharing and applying spiritual principles. A saying often heard in these programs is: "We can do together what I cannot do alone." Newcomers to AA or NA and recovery who often are leery of talk about God, Higher Power, or spirituality, can be comfortable with the support that is available from a group of recovering individuals or addicts.

More on One Day at at Time

I will end the subject of living one day at a time with a quote from the 12 Step literature that I love. "It is not the experience of TODAY that drives men mad--it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened YESTERDAY, and the dread of what TOMORROW may bring. Let, us, therefore, live but one day at a time."

One Day at a Time
Continuing to talk about the value in recovery of the concept of living one day at a time, consider this idea: "Today is your past of tomorrow." Facing each day's challenges without using drugs or alcohol will build a solid foundation for recovery that is based on your own personal experience.

One Day at a Time

Let's begin to talk about recovery--what to do if you've decided to abstain from use of your substance. Perhaps one of the most important practical concepts for early recovery is the well-known, and therefore, perhaps not fully appreciated, idea of living one day at a time. Today is truly the only day you have, and is the only day you have to stay clean and sober. You don't have to not use the rest of your life. You need only decide to not use for today. This recovery tool can be helpful in many ways, and I will post some more thoughts about it in the next days.

Self-Honesty

Living with addiction in someone close results in focus on the addicted person, on surviving, on trying to reduce the damage caused by addiction, etc., meaning that you rarely focus on yourself, who you are, what your needs are, how your thinking and behavior may have become a part of the addiction problem without your knowledge. The point here is that one of the major tasks of recovery is to learn self-honesty; to learn who you are and what about you that you wish to change. One of the best ways to find out these things is to attend a lot of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon meetings (the 12 Step groups for persons in relationship with an alcoholic or addict); there you will see yourself mirrored in others who share their journey in recovery. There you will also find the hope and strength to begin to know yourself and change.

Concerned about How Much or How Often You Use?

Have you been thinking for some time that you should cut down on, or control, your use of drugs or alcohol? If so, then you may have a problem with control over the amount you use, or how often you use, or both. Try one of the free screening tests on this site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/freescreeningtests.html

Another Drug or Alcohol Problem Indicator

Thinking over the past six months or so, would you say that because of your drug or alcohol use you have given up, or reduced, important social, work, or recreational activities? If so, then try one of the free screening tests on this site. You may need addictions treatment. See http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com

Another Indicator of a Problem

Another way to judge whether you may have a problem with alcohol or other drugs is to ask yourself if you spend significant periods of time thinking about when you can use again, or trying to rationalize or justify using again, or saying to yourself "I'll never...[fill in the blank with any negative behavior under the influence that you swear you'll never do again..."]. Preoccupation with drug or alcohol use is a sign of a problem. Take one of the free, confidential screening tests on this site: http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com/freescreeningtests.html